// Подключаемся к базе данных
// И узнаем количество анекдотов в таблице
$result = mysql_query("SELECT * FROM anekdot");
$num_rows = mysql_num_rows($result);

$result = mysql_query ("SELECT text FROM anekdot WHERE id='". rand(0, $num_rows) . "'");
$joke = mysql_fetch_assoc($result);

$result = mysql_query("SELECT * FROM `anekdot` ORDER BY RAND() LIMIT 1");
print_r(mysql_fetch_assoc($result));

$anekdot = file('anekdot.txt');
echo $anakdot[array_rand($anekdot)];

$result = mysql_query("SELECT COUNT(*) FROM anekdot");
if(!$result) exit(mysql_error());
$num = mysql_result($result,0);

$ids = array();

    for($i = 1; $i <= 10; $i++){
        $rand  =  mt_rand(1, $num);
        $ids[] = $rand;
    }

$ids_str = implode(',', $ids);

$result = mysql_query ("SELECT text FROM anekdot WHERE id IN(" . $ids_str . ") LIMIT 1");
if(!$result) exit(mysql_error());
$joke = mysql_fetch_assoc($result);


//на файлах
$anekdot = file('anekdot.txt');
shuffle($anekdot);
echo $anekdot[0];

<?php

    $res = mysql_query("SELECT COUNT(*) AS `cnt` FROM anekdot");
    $num = mysql_result($res, 0);
    
    $res = mysql_query ("SELECT text FROM anekdot 
                          WHERE id >= ". mt_rand(1, $num) . "
                          LIMIT 1");
                              
    
    $joke = mysql_fetch_assoc($res);

php_flag magic_quotes_gpc Off
php_flag magic_quotes_runtime Off

<?php

    $res = mysql_query("SELECT COUNT(*) AS `cnt` FROM anekdot");
    $num = mysql_result($res, 0);
    
    $res = mysql_query ("SELECT text FROM anekdot LIMIT ".rand(0, $num).", 1");
                              
    $joke = mysql_fetch_assoc($res);

stripslashes()

$query = mysql_query("SELECT * FROM `quotes` WHERE `status` = 'checked' ORDER BY RAND() LIMIT 0,1");

echo "<table width=850>";
while($r = mysql_fetch_array($query))

$query = mysql_query("SELECT * FROM `quotes` WHERE `status` = 'checked' ORDER BY RAND() LIMIT 0,1");
stripslashes($query) 
echo "<table width=850>";
while($r = mysql_fetch_array($query))

UPDATE anekdot SET `text` = REPLACE(`text`, '\\\"', '"')

while($r = mysql_fetch_array($query))
{
    print_r(stripslashes($r)) ;
}

$res = mysql_query ("SELECT text FROM anekdot   LIMIT ". mt_rand(1, $num .",1");